


Dicks

by Milky Maelstrom (milkymaelstrom)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Flash Fic, Funny, Humor, M/M, Sex, Sexual Content, Tight Spaces, Xeno, Xenophilia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-04
Updated: 2012-12-04
Packaged: 2017-11-20 06:44:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/582443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milkymaelstrom/pseuds/Milky%20Maelstrom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John and Karkat are dtf, but Karkat's nook is another matter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dicks

**Author's Note:**

> I needed to write this because I haven't written anything in a while and you don't understand how fun it is to write a non-serious humor fic with lots of weird similes. Hint: It's a lot.

“Oh my god what are you doing no stop oh my god,” Karkat managed to get out all in one comma-less breath. 

John was confused. What was he doing wrong? 

There they were, on John's bed, both completely naked and aroused. 

Karkat was flat on his back, legs in the air, with his cherry red popsicle dick writhing and flailing in all of its tentacle-like glory. John was on his knees, his erection poised at the entrance of Karkat's nook, from which his tip had been immediately rejected, with his brows furrowed. After a night of wining and dining (read: John made ready spaghetti and Karkat tried to light a candle that ended up smelling like a dirty sock), they were finally ready to fuck. Or, as John would say, ready to make passionate love. The very thought of the phrase brought a blush to Vantas's face and grumble to his throat. 

They had never actually had sex before. Sure, there was plenty of poking and rubbing and fingering under the table, and of course that one time Karkat's bulge wrapped around John's wrist like a slap bracelet as he came that had John giggling for hours, but they had never actually, you know, done it. 

“What am I supposed to do then?” John finally asked, hands on his hips. 

“I don't fucking know, just ease it in there. It feels like you're trying to impale me for Jegus's sake.”

John guessed that Karkat had never been with a human before, and seeing as his dick didn't taper to a point like his own, he could now see how it might be a little uncomfortable. So, leaning on one elbow, Egbert went back to fingering his boyfriend's alien vagina. 

They had mastered one finger already. One finger was like a walk in the park. Two was fine, like walking down a busy street with a suitcase. Three, well, three was like trying to cross a road in Bangladesh with three-legged horse and a blind gorilla: it wasn't going down without a few innocent bystanders getting hurt. 

John slid in one finger, and then quickly a second. After working into a steady rhythm, Karkat letting out sweet whimpers, then cursing his cuteness and whimpering again. He was looser and slicker now, his bright red nectar dripping onto a stained towel John had awkwardly placed down beforehand, since he had already replaced two sets of sheets and really didn't want to replace a third. 

Gently, he began to prod in his pinky, his middle and ring fingers already thrusting up to the last knuckle. The troll squealed but dealt with it, managing not to force all of John's digits out in one push. His bulge squirmed with every thrust like some sort of explicit metronome ticking back and forth. Eventually, he loosened up and began to enjoy it, and Egbert deemed him ready for another go. 

By now, John had gone partly flaccid, and Karkat wrapped his the last half of his troll cock around John's half-cocked trouser-troll and massaged him until he was throbbing and dripping clear precum. Then, as they both held their breath, John slowly guided himself into Karkat's ridiculously tight nook. 

“FUCK!” Vantas proclaimed succinctly. 

Once in, John dared not move, Karkat's talons dug so deep into his forearms they he nearly bled. Only after what seemed like ages of pleasure and pain for John and Karkat respectively, the human was allowed to pullout by the millimeter and cram back in. John now guessed that Karkat had never been with anyone at all (at least not when it came to getting various organs shoved into his nook), seeing as he was nearly being squeezed to the point of discomfort by the troll's insides. 

It took ages, but John was able to get into a pace faster than snail sex and actually start to enjoy himself. John himself had never been with someone so tight, and in fact only been with a girl before, but he had never imagined having sex with Karkat would be anything like this. Before he knew it, he was almost at his climax, blindly grasping for the others bulge to get him off as well.

However, Karkat was already long gone, moaning expletives between stifled breathes as his bulge swung around to rub against anything solid. Soon, he was cumming, shooting out inordinate amounts of bright red cum which disappointingly did not taste as good as it looked. As he came, his nook clamped down on John's dick, barely letting him thrust or even escape as he shot his cum deep into the troll's nook, being massaged and mashed by the tight hole. 

It was only after Karkat had finished, groping for the towel to wipe himself off, that John was released, already having gone limp. Exhausted, Egbert flopped down next to Vantas. He began to say something between pauses for breath, but soon found his mate had already drifted off to sleep, frowning as he always did. Relieved and tired, John tossed the cum-stained towel to the floor and pulled his thick comforter over him, cuddling up to his matesprit.


End file.
